Moms Creating Healthy Futures
Mom's Guide to Self-Care: Support Mental Health to Create Total Wellness
We’ve got good news for moms: we’re halfway there. We’re already pros at caring for others. If our kid needs comfort, we know just the song. If they’re covered with mud, we’ve got bubbles for bath time. If they are bouncing off the walls, we know which park will do the trick. All day, we make sure bellies are full, necks are hugged, appointments are made and homework is understood. But studies show that 78% of women report putting off their own care.
So, where’s the disconnect?
Why is caring for ourselves so hard?
We let guilt creep in.
We don’t know what self-care is.
We ignore emotional hunger.
A major roadblock for many moms with a beautiful reminder to shift our perspective. We teach our children habits like washing their hands to protect their health. What if we viewed self-care in the same way? If we can make it a healthy habit rather than a guilty indulgence, we’re much more likely to stay happy, healthy and dependable for our kids. In fact, we should celebrate chances for self-care as an excellent opportunity to be healthy models for our children.
We ignore emotional hunger.
We don’t know what self-care is.
We ignore emotional hunger.
Just as we encourage hand washing for our kids, we also give our kids healthy food when they need a meal or a snack. Too many in our society have been brought up to ignore the sensations of emotional hunger, and keep pouring out, regardless of depleted condition. There’s a risk with this behavior: burnout. Human beings can only pour out so much before they become empty.
We don’t know what self-care is.
We don’t know what self-care is.
We don’t know what self-care is.
At its core, self-care is anything that brings us joy. We have to know ourselves enough to know what will replenish us on the other end. Our self-care goals become checklist items, then that's not self-care. On the other hand, self-care is intentional. True self-care takes both initiative to know when you are in need and action to seek your own care.
Help for Moms in an Anxious World
Awareness may sound a little buzzwordy, but in practice, it’s a beautiful thing. It sounds like an open conversation over coffee. It feels like a hug while dropping off a meal. It looks like making your first appointment with a counselor or therapist.
Moms who’ve never experienced mental health issues may need help now. Many parents have had to adjust schedules, expectations, working situations and responsibilities during this season — a time of social distancing marked by increased stress, psychological strain and even trauma.
To give our readers helpful guidelines while navigating new waters, we chatted with women who are social workers, counselors, moms and women’s directors.
1. What are the most common mental health issues moms face?
Our experts agree that anxiety is the top mental health issue for mothers. Depression and post-traumatic stress disorder to the list.
2. What’s the difference between stress and anxiety or depression?
"Temporary” (and unfortunately unavoidable at times) as opposed to the deeper, overwhelming pattern of anxiety and depression.
Depression and anxiety may get in the way of doing everyday activities, like taking care of yourself and your child. They are long-lasting and won’t go away on their own. But they are treatable, which is why it’s crucial to get help.
3. What are warning signs you need help?
Seek immediate help for any suicidal urges or thoughts. But the idea behind initiatives like Mental Health Awareness is to encourage people to get help before that point. We recommend that a mom ask for help - when she first notices a pattern of feeling overwhelmed or anxious. That’s the time for her to reach out and get therapeutic support, before things get worse.
Other warning signs like feeling depleted, resentful or isolated. Feelings of sadness, anxiety, worry, irritability or sleep problems are common for most people. However, when these feelings get very intense, last for an extended period and begin to interfere with school, work and relationships, it may be a sign of a mental health problem.
4. How can friends and family help?
Someone who struggles with their mental health is on a long journey of healing; there’s no quick fix. Consistency and patience are key when you’re part of someone’s support system. A lot of what partners, friends and family can do is very practical. Bring a meal. Be an empathetic listener. Offer to babysit. Help them make their first appointment. Ask how you can help lighten the load.
5. What’s not helpful to someone dealing with anxiety or depression?
The most important thing for friends and family to do is to understand that this mom would help herself if she could. No one deliberately chooses to feel anxious or depressed. Friends and family should avoid adding guilt to someone’s mental health struggles. Avoid phrases like: “Be happy;” You have so much to be grateful for;” “Think positively!” or even “Trust God.” Instead, focus on empathetic non-judgement like: “That sounds hard.” Anything you can do to show you hear and understand your loved one will be immensely helpful.